Daylight Savings Time arrived along with the cooler November temperatures. I awoke after a fitful night of sleep feeling a little like Rip Van Winkle, the legendary man who laid down for a nap and didn’t wake up for 20 years. Upon waking, he was confused at all the changes that had taken place around him. People were gone, his wife had died, government had changed, and his house looked empty and deserted.
As I started to awaken, I remembered scenes from a bad dream that surrounded me throughout the night. One where my precious child, a little girl became gravely sick, and then sadly died. This dream played out with the thoughts of how life was so very different now than it had been before I went to sleep. I rolled over thinking “How is this my life now?” It seems so odd to think that could ever happen to me and my family. My brain couldn’t quite clear the cobwebs of slumber and reconcile what the devastating loss would feel like in real life.
As I continued to lay there, slowly, and consciously waking, my pillow became wet with the unbidden tears. My heart was filled with grief but also keenly aware this was just a dream—a nightmare—and one I was ready to get away from. Rolling over to avoid the bright sunshine now streaming through the windows my eyes came to rest on Millie’s picture hanging by my bed. Realization that this nightmare wasn’t just a dream that resides in the dark but also one that follows me throughout my day in my real life brought more tears.
This nightmare was in truth my reality—
One that stinks. I had to gather myself before I could start my Sunday morning. There were tears to be dried, memories to be dealt with, words to be spoken to Millie’s daddy before I could get moving. I find comfort in sharing with him the deep loss. He understands. He too misses her so vastly. He sheds tears as he remembers. He grieves and we grieve together at the tremendous loss we sustained handing our girl back to heaven.
We don’t always understand…
We hurt…
We cry…
But we trust…
We trust that you, Lord, love her more than we do.
We trust that you have good plans for each of our lives.
We know that her good plans included being called into your kingdom and her eternal reward.
We trust that you will take our pain and used it for your purpose. That you will use it to make beauty from ashes. We offer you our pain as a testimony that even in sorrow you are still good.
As we awaken each day, remind us that your mercies are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness, oh Lord. May our hope rest in you. (Lamentations 3:22–24)
~Telling Christ’s story {Because of Millie}
︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵ ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★ I still believe in Millie’s Miracle ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵
#MilliesMiracle #ChildhoodCancer #Neuroblastoma #MoreThan4 #Childloss #Forever3 #WithJesus #WhileWeAreWaiting #AGrievingMama #LifeAfterLoss #siblinggrief
