I read somewhere that “Grief is Love”.
That would explain why my heart feels about to burst. All the love that is gathered up, overflows, looking suspiciously like tears of grief as they flow down my cheeks.
Soon it will be another milestone of time we have spent apart from Millie. Each day closer to her birthday is another step further from her last one here with us. That leaves the crack in my heart growing ever wider. The physical pain sits in my chest, my lower back, my throbbing temples. The feeling of anxiety, like being pushed and prodded towards an event I want no part of, wears heavy on my shoulders. Noise overwhelms me and my peace seems to scatter. The exhaustion leaves me so weary I want to nap but lay awake long into the night, waiting for sleep to arrive.
And yet, I still find hope in unlikely places. • It is in a story of a precious little girl who loved my Millie so and still misses her. • In her mama’s offer of friendship as she shares our loss knowing how easily it could have been their family. • Glimpsing hope in a group of friends who listens to me, encourages me, and then listens again as I pour out my frequent longing for a little girl who was here for such a short time. • In reading Romans 15:13, “May the God of hope fill you with all JOY and PEACE as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
You see I honestly wasn’t looking for joy and peace tonight. My heart wasn’t filled with hope. Life feels hard, sometimes with despair of a broken heart, other times it’s just bland having lost its zest after Millie left. Yet tonight as I dove into God’s word, he reminded me he is the God of HOPE. He wants to fill me with Joy and Peace, while he renews my HOPE. I needed to read that. I need to turn my eyes off of myself and place them on him for renewal. Then I need to do it again tomorrow…and the next day…and the next.
~Telling Christ’s story {Because of Millie}
︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵ ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★ I still believe in Millie’s Miracle ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵