Often when I write about grief, how difficult it is to bear, I forget to share an important aspect of this life I now lead.
Grief is my friend in a way because it gives me time and space to remember my precious girl.
It allows me to never forget our memories, savoring each moment of time together.
But grief is a backstabbing enemy.
It sneaks up on you.
It knocks you to your knees.
It sucks the breath out of you.
It has no desire to stay with you once it has done you dirty. No, it will leave you as quickly as it finishes inflicting pain on your tattered soul.
So yes, I fall victim to grief’s attacks frequently, but I have also become aware of some of grief’s tactics.
I know when to expect it to bring me tears. I know how to quell my tears and calm my pounding heart. I know “...weeping may last for the night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning.” – Psalm 30:5
You see we parents do grieve our loss yet that doesn’t incapacitate us totally. We still have life we live. We do the dishes, wash the clothes, school the children, mow the yard. We have family dinners together and try to forge new memories without forgetting the ones of the past. We laugh as often as we cry. We share stories of our girl and laugh at all the funny things she did.
In essence, we LIVE because we didn’t die with her. Though at times it might feel like we did or wish we had, we didn’t. Instead, we have to find out what our new life of living without her looks like.
In October, some of the living we have done at our house is to enroll the younger kids in an archery club. They are enjoying learning how to shoot a compound bow accurately at a target. We’ve spent lots of time at the library, reading many books for both school and pleasure. We have even taken a few field trips enjoying the beautiful fall weather.
We have spent time in the kitchen cooking together. As I teach the kids, they have moved from making muffi
ns and cookies to soups and breakfast foods independently. I made a huge batch of homemade granola, having SJ help me. She protested that she didn’t even like granola so why learn to cook it? My reply is that I don’t like dirty dishes, but I have to know how to wash them. I don’t know if that’s a successful ‘mom’ argument or not, but I do believe all kids need to learn to cook.
We got out our sewing machines and spent an afternoon making ‘mini quilt’ potholders. Not looking for perfection but working on necessary skills has been important.
I sent Little Man out to pick all our jalapeno peppers and green tomatoes before the freeze last night. I placed the tomatoes in the window hoping they will turn red for a final batch of salsa this year.
Once a week we have taken in a Jr, High football game to cheer on our favorite cheerleader. Its fun to watch her team spirit and see her laugh when her dad cheers back loudly.
Generally, we are just living everyday life but knowing at anytime grief might slip in for a visit. When it does, I will pause, smile through my tears, remember my girl, then rejoin the living making memories for today.
~Telling Christ’s story {Because of Millie}
︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵ ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★ I still believe in Millie’s Miracle ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵