Sunday afternoon musings
I lay down to take a nap, sure my body needs rest.
Yet none comes...
Instead my eyes are drawn to the curtains and the memories of sweet Millie demanding I make it dark for nap time. We napped together but never in the same bed. She, in her big girl bed just 18 inches from my side of the bed.
If I lay still enough and think hard, I can see us over in the brown rocker together. I can see her as a newborn snuggled up to me so tiny and new.
I can see her as a toddler sitting up with a big grin as she played with mama.
I see her as a two year old in her pack in play. Then, I remember the months of restless nights, moaning and tossing as she battled an unknown invader.
I remember her leaving our room for a few months but coming back just after her horrible diagnosis.
I remember the year of treatment. The midnight pains, throwing up, steroid induced fits, and feeding pump fiascos.
I also remember late at night after all was dark, hearing, “mom?” “Yes Millie?” “I love you mom”.
I still hear that baby voice praying, “Jesus take away my cancer”. Such faith and trust. Even when heaven was coming, she trusted that Jesus would take care of her. “Millie, soon you are going where there is no pain. Soon you will be in heaven where there is no cancer. Soon you will meet Jesus”.
All that is true. She has no pain and no cancer, she is with Jesus. —-oh how my heart misses her being with me.
During church I was reminded of her little body sitting in my lap. I was reminded that not only did David and I lose out by her leaving so quickly, but so did our family, our church, and the world. So many missed knowing our precious girl. Three years went by way too fast. Today, the tears welled in my eyes but never fell.
Instead, prayers rose from my lips. Silent mouthed prayers for my other children. Prayers of safety and salvation, of hope and happiness for them. Of a molding and making in their lives that gives them purpose and brings God glory.
Blessings sweet friends…
︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵ ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★ I still believe in Millie’s Miracle ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵
#MilliesMiracle #ChildhoodCancer #Neuroblastoma #MoreThen4 #Forever3 #WithJesus #AGrievingMama #Childloss #lifeafterloss