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Today I chose bravery

Not because I wasn’t scared, I really was.

Not because I was sure I could do it, no, I had my doubts.

I chose to walk bravely because it was time for me to reach outside my pain, to walk into someone else’s pain and support them.

Today I bravely went to church.

This local church has held many special memories for our family over the years.

Our girls have sat at the shiny grand piano in the sanctuary and exhibited their skills for many “Hymn Fest” piano recitals.

In November of 2018, just a few days before Millie’s 2nd birthday, we attended the wedding of a very close friend in this same church, with our little SJ being the flower girl. During this wedding, I hired a babysitter to walk the hallways with Millie keeping her entertained and quiet so I could enjoy the day.

In July of 2020, I walked into this same sanctuary to say goodbye to my precious baby daughter. Seeing her lying in her tiny white coffin, dressed in a white lace dress, surrounded by a multitude of people who loved her was incredibly hard. That was the last day my eyes ever rested on her face in person. That was the day my heart was forever broken this side of heaven.

Today, I chose bravery because had to make a conscious choice to walk back into that holy space. A dear young woman from our area was tragically killed in an accident and her funeral was held in the same sanctuary this morning. As I entered I knew so many faces, many of the same faces that had attended Millie’s funeral. Our community has been so grieved by the loss of this precious woman yet as a whole, the entire service pointed towards the thought: “And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so you will not grieve like people who have no hope.”

1 Thessalonians 4:13

The focus the paster shared, at least how his words spoke to me, was “Is the Lord still good even when the results don’t feel good? Can we still trust HIM when it doesn’t look like what we hoped for? Can we still praise HIM in our sorrow?”

As he spoke those thoughts, as we sang of his goodness, as the tears flowed as freely as the amens, my heart said, “Yes Lord—yes I will trust you with my pain, with my sorrow, and with an assurance of faith in you.”

As I looked toward the stage, smelling the heavy fragrance of the flowers, my thoughts of Millie’s service mingled in with this service. As I prayed for the other bereaved mothers in the room, my heart was crying for the pain they are feeling as well as the pain I feel. The heaviness knowing that another family has a gaping hole in their hearts hits me fully, yet like them, we are assured of being together again someday.

May we each live our lives in a way that they point to the goodness of God. May we cling to Jesus to sustain us during the hard times.

~Telling Christ’s story {Because of Millie}

…….︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵……. ☆。・:*:・゚★,。・:*:・゚☆ 。・:*:・゚★ I still believe in Millie’s Miracle ☆。・:*:・゚ Hebrews 11:1 。・:*:・゚☆ ………..︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵………

“Millie Finds Her Miracle” is now available to preorder on Amazon

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